Leading with courage, clarity, and compassion in a world that feels increasingly complex is no easy undertaking.  In Strong Ground, Brené Brown brings her signature blend of research, storytelling, and practical wisdom to help us find stability when everything around us feels uncertain. This book isn’t just about leadership; it’s about life. It explores:

• How to stand firm in your values when challenges arise
• Why vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness
• How to build trust and resilience in yourself and your teams
• Practical tools for navigating tough conversations and staying grounded under pressure

Do any of these situations sound familiar?

• You’re laser-focused on getting epic stuff done and suddenly startled by a knock on your door
• You leave a tough meeting feeling grumpy after navigating challenging personalities, only to get into an argument at home
• You’re asked a question while still mentally stuck on the previous task and you’re not fully present
• You switch tasks so often that the quality of your work sometimes suffers

This month, Tracy Mrochek and Rich Gassen dove into Chapter 18 of Brené Brown’s book Strong Ground to explore what it means to be locked-in and why locking-through matters.  

Together, we discussed:

• How to protect our locked-in power without losing connection.
• How to find strong ground by being “tough and tender,” as well as being locked in and locking through.
• How these concepts align with servant leadership principles and why they matter for creating trust and resilience in our teams.

We also shared a short video segment on what strong ground means to Brené in leadership. And, we touched on a couple of other topics she covers in this great read.

This chapter from her book is saved as an audio recording, found here: 

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/lock-in-and-lock-through-power

We also scanned a copy of chapter 18 and provided some supporting resources, located here:

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1FtXVgCpkJGd8zeuJx3G6hmqLgRvOAbdZ?usp=sharing

Lastly, here is an interview between Brené and Adam Grant, where she explains the origins of strong ground. It’s worth listening to, so you are grounded in our conversations! 

(This link starts at [12:36], and you should listen to about [29:00]: Definition of Strong Ground using the Tush Push as an example.)

https://youtu.be/nbSC4kmdHSc?si=2rikYTSdAg43CCIo&t=1236

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This session’s Discussion Questions:

1. What does “locked-in” mean to you in your daily life? How does it help and/or hinder?
2. When have you experienced the tension between staying focused and being available for others? How did you handle it?
3. What strategies can we use to “lock-through” without sacrificing our locked-in power? What strategies have you used and what has worked the best?
4. How does the concept of locking-in and locking-through connect to servant leadership values like empathy, listening, and stewardship?

Additional Questions for you to ponder with a friend:

How can we create team norms that respect both deep focus and accessibility?

What does mental toughness mean to you and how do you engage in recovery?

How as servant leaders can we straddle the paradox with the people we work with to develop the toughness necessary to do hard things along with the tenderness required to thrive?

How do you determine when deep focus worthwhile and when it is not worth the investment?

In a world where it often feels there’s not enough time to think – or get this week’s groceries, pay the gas bill, go for the walk you keep promising yourself, clear out your in-box, or, or, or – the idea of adding one more thing can seem insurmountable. We explored how this one thing – gratitude – holds the promise of easing burdens and opening a space for joy. This month, we looked at gratitude as the ground of resilience, courage, and connection, and the first step can be as small as looking out the window and seeing the deep blue sky.

The Real Work of Leadership: Listening, Healing, and Leading Through Conflict

We used the principles of Servant-Leadership to practice resolving several real-world leadership challenges.

How do we practically apply Servant-Leadership to resolve leadership conflicts like the scenarios in our notes?

We also examined Dave Bray’s addition of “Five Questions” as a framework for discussion:

1. Where are we? (What is the effect of this conflict? Who is affected?)
2. Where do we want to be? (Ideally, what does success look like?)
3. How do we get to that ideal state?
4. How will we know when we get there? (What behaviors and conditions will exist in this ideal state?)
5. How do we sustain this ideal state? (How do we avoid backsliding and unexpected negative consequences?)

Readings from this session:

Last month, we covered an overview of transactional vs. transformational leadership.

In October, we pivoted slightly to discuss environments and leadership styles where we can (or cannot) speak up. We looked at resolving the tension of the Captain of the Ship (transactional) vs. collaborative engagement (transformational), and looked at some situations where managing up is allowed or encouraged.

Sue Gaard and Joe Goss gave an overview of Transformational leadership, which they believe serves as an umbrella style for Servant-Leadership, among other styles.

In contrast, have you worked under a manager who practices a Transactional leadership style (e.g., “command and control,” “management by exception,” or “top down”)? In your experience, in what ways were these two styles effective or ineffective?

Transformational leadership and Servant-Leadership share many attributes. In contrast, Transactional leadership utilizes “contingent rewards and management-by-exception.”

Our pre-read material was Summary of Transformational and Transactional Leadership.
We also included a short excerpt from The Servant Leader: “Sickness and Disability by James Autry.pdf.” This reading is the foundation for question #5 below.

Some questions to ponder around this topic:

1. What conditions could force or encourage a leader to adopt a transactional leadership style?
2. Suppose your manager is a transactional leader. How would you work successfully with this person? What if the themes of transformational leadership you practice are discounted or not valued? How would you lead while sustaining your transformational style?
3. Given a leader’s transformational style, is it appropriate sometimes to “lean into” practices of transactional leadership? If so, how does a leader create a balance of these styles?
4. What conditions in a work environment encourage and sustain a transformational style of leadership?
5. In “Sickness and Disability by James Autry.pdf,” what themes from transformational leadership (Idealized Influence, Intellectual Stimulation, Inspirational Motivation, and Individualized Consideration) did you notice?
6. How might the ten characteristics of a servant leader map into these four themes of transformational leadership?

We continued our talk on third spaces in August.

Can we create and sustain Third Places? Can these places reduce isolation, anxiety, and political polarization? Are these places central to the fabric and well-being of our communities?

Some questions we asked ourselves:

Creating Collaboration

pp. 53-55

In this example of collaboration, what made it possible for the group to recommend a solution to the jail issue? If possible, share a story about your involvement in a contentious group that recommended a solution to a challenging problem. What factors made collaboration possible? What are the features of successful Third Places?

“Turn and Face the Problem” – excerpt from facilitation classes Joe Goss taught at UW Milwaukee https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1blIoFn9lYKh-qdF4q8uVqV41vphI14yw

Make It Easy to Do the Right Thing

pp. 82-85, 117

“Both work and leisure should take us out of the impersonality of systems thinking and orient us toward, instead of away from, one another.” If you were designing an office space, what leisure places would you include? If you were the manager of this office space, what leisure behaviors would you encourage?

Friendship

pp. 109-110

“Friendships are relationships characterized by mutual flourishing. Every organization… is made healthy and whole when the human potential of its members finds fuller expression through their participation.” (p.110) Should the relationship between a manager and a staff person be based on friendship?

“[W]e continue to perpetuate the myth that anxiety and depression are due to a lack of acknowledgement by others. We should instead encourage one another to work through periods of social discomfort and rejection, which are inevitable, and to patiently engage in the sorts of activities that cultivate friendship over time.” (p.111-112) How do you respond to these statements?

Finding Your Third Place

Third Places are accessible, neutral ground where equals meet and hold lively conversations; are an ordinary place where “regulars” give it personality and a playful mood; and serve as a “home away from home.” Have you found a suitable Third Place? If not, where would you look for one? How would you create and sustain a Third Place?

Joe Goss led a discussion on the definition of third spaces as noted by author Richard Kyte.

Many people believe our democracy is threatened. Why are we so deeply divided on some issues? It seems that mutual trust has all but disappeared. Richard Kyte, author of “Finding Your Third Place,” argues convincingly that we’ve lost too many places to socialize and develop trusting friendships. With home as First Place, and work as Second Place, a Third Place is a place of gathering: a community center, a social club, Habitat for Humanity, etc. A Third Place is neutral ground in an accessible and ordinary place where people can meet as equals; where participants consider it a “home away from home” – a place to play where trust can develop and be sustained. Through mutual trust, Third Places allow people to collaborate, build consensus on issues, and find solutions.

Over the past 30 years, Kyte notes that Third Places have disappeared. Technology, social media, passive entertainment (e.g., streaming movies), and even zoning diminished our interest in and availability of Third Places. As social animals, “We thrive only when we create conditions for the cultivation of friendships.” Friendships grow through listening, empathy, healing, awareness, and stewardship – relevant Servant Leadership characteristics in this context.

Kyte adds, “What if the reason for rising anxiety [like mine and that of others] is not that things are getting worse, but that we are getting worse at thinking about things in constructive ways?” As issues arise, Third Places can provide a platform where people think about concerns in constructive ways.

What are your thoughts? What is your experience with Third Places? What became possible because you engaged with others at a Third Place? What Third Place do you wish you and your community had?

Some questions we asked ourselves:

Introduction

1. 7-9 — Share the name of a Third Place that no longer exists or is available to you? What did you like most about that place?

Technology as an Isolator

1. 16-18, 22-24 — Technology is a “double-edged sword,” often empowering users to work independently while increasing among users a sense of isolation. Nevertheless, some tools (e.g., Zoom, FaceTime, Teams) support discussion and collaboration. What conditions are necessary with these tools to create a suitable Third Place?

Anxiety

1. 29-30 — How do you respond to Kyte’s question? “What if the reason for rising anxiety [like mine and that of others] is not that things are getting worse, but that we are getting worse at thinking about things in constructive ways?”

Additional Resources on Third Spaces

Dignity.us – The Dignity Index movement, co-founded by Tim Shriver (Kennedy family)

https://www.urban.org/urban-wire/how-third-places-contribute-thriving-communities How Third Places Contribute to Thriving Communities

https://www.verywellmind.com/why-third-places-matter-8584788 Why Third Places Are Essential to Creating Community in Modern Society

https://a.co/d/1cyEAef for ‘Showing Up: A Comprehensive Guide to Comfort & Connection’ by Jen Marr

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0593189590/?bestFormat=true&k=no%20one%20is%20talking%20about%20this%20by%20patricia%20lockwood&ref_=nb_sb_ss_w_scx-ent-pd-bk-d_k0_1_24_de&crid=3MGY8YZANRNY2&sprefix=no%20one%20is%20talking%20about%20 “No One is Talking about This” by Patricia Lockwood – “amazing, hilarious and moving exploration of humans + internet — not like anything else I’ve read.”

Ann Grauvogl and Joe Goss led this discussion.

“Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies” – Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption

In many circles, hope has gotten a bad rap as having no connection to reality. In the June meeting, we explored the often-hidden dimensions of hope, using essays from Leif Hass, an emergency room physician, and Rebecca Solnit, who wrote “Hope in the Dark.” “Hope is not the belief that everything was, is, or will be fine,” she writes. “Hope locates itself in the premise that we don’t know what will happen and that in the spaciousness of uncertainty is room to act.”

“Hope, like other emotions, can be contagious,” Hass writes. “Together, people can support, motivate, brainstorm, and strategize. … (we are) committing to ‘facing this together.’”

We looked at the landscape of hope, rooted in uncertainty, and how to cultivate hope and build hope together. How do servant leadership practices align with hope?

Due to some scheduling conflicts with our planning team, our group did not host a servant leadership meeting in May.

Instead, we invited you to think about why servant-leadership matters in a changing world. In the introduction to the 2023 edition of the International Journal of Servant-Leadership, Shann Ray Ferch and Jiying Song give us a vision of servant-leadership grounded in art and optimism.

They write: “Life is shot through with the art and science of servant-leadership, and once we encounter it we see just how directly servant-leadership informs, deepens, and shapes us here and now. As for our mutual quest for the essence of servant-leadership, let’s show care for each other and our work. Sisterhood. Brotherhood. Good intention and good humor.”

In this short essay, you have the chance to look at servant-leadership through a new lens that resides in justice, art, vision and love, finding a way to navigate the darkness “not only with bravery and courage, but with love, and to do so not alone but in the company of others.”

Sue Gaard and Rich Gassen led a discussion around sections from the iconic servant leadership story, The Serviceberry: An Economy of Gifts and Abundance, by Robin Wall Kimmerer.

As Robin Wall Kimmerer harvests serviceberries alongside the birds, she considers the ethic of reciprocity that lies at the heart of the gift economy. How can we learn from Indigenous wisdom and the plant world to reimagine what we value most? Our economy is rooted in scarcity, competition, and the hoarding of resources, and we have surrendered our values to a system that actively harms what we love. Meanwhile, the serviceberry’s relationship with the natural world is an embodiment of reciprocity, interconnectedness, and gratitude. The tree distributes its wealth—its abundance of sweet, juicy berries—to meet the needs of its natural community. And this distribution ensures its own survival. As Kimmerer explains, “Serviceberries show us another model, one based upon reciprocity, where wealth comes from the quality of your relationships, not from the illusion of self-sufficiency.”

We encourage you to purchase the book; it’s a quick read (90 minutes).

Restoring Sanity: Practice to Awaken Generosity, Creativity, and Kindness

Joe Goss, Mary Hoddy & Ann Grauvogl finished our exploration of Restoring Sanity with some discussions around islands of sanity with some questions for the group:

• Do you need an island of sanity? What does that look like to you? How do you create that island?
• What gets in your way of going forward with open-ended inquisitiveness and curiosity?
• How do we design practices that awaken generosity, creativity, kindness, and the ability to see clearly?
• How would the Servant-Leadership practices of conceptualization, persuasion, and building community promote this awakening?

Restoring Sanity: Practices to Awaken Generosity, Creativity, and Kindness in Ourselves and Our Organizations

Mary Hoddy and Ann Grauvogl continued leading our study of Meg Wheatley’s book Restoring Sanity: Practices to Awaken Generosity, Creativity, and Kindness in Ourselves and Our Organizations. This month we discussed the following:

1. Guided exercise on Suffering Strangers

2. Short reading: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EthD81oOayLFiHjoCZdA7HS2iYPM4AiS/view?usp=sharing

3. Reflection on Leading an Island of Sanity: How have you Been Changed as a leader?
4. Compare Meg Wheatley’s Design Principles to the 10 Characteristics of a Servant Leader

Restoring Sanity: Practices to Awaken Generosity, Creativity, and Kindness in Ourselves and Our Organizations

Mary Hoddy facilitated our January meeting, focusing on a new book by Meg Wheatley, Restoring Sanity: Practices to Awaken Generosity, Creativity, and Kindness in Ourselves and Our Organizations. Meg’s book answers a critical question:

We face external conditions far beyond our control to change, dynamics intensifying at shocking speed. The perfect storm is here, created by the coalescence of climate and human-created catastrophes. As leaders dedicated to serving the causes and people we treasure, confronted by this unrelenting tsunami, what are we to do?

She responds to this question:

We need to restore sanity by awakening the human spirit… a gift of possibility and refuge created by people’s commitment to form healthy community to do meaningful work. It requires sane leaders with unshakable faith in people’s innate generosity, creativity, and kindness. It sets itself apart as an island to protect itself from the life-destroying dynamics, policies, and behaviors that oppress and deny the human spirit. No matter what is happening around us, we can discover practices that enliven our human spirits and produce meaningful contributions for this time.

We explored the following questions from the first part of this book:

1. On page 9, Meg Wheatley asks her central question, “What would it be like to be curious about who you’re with rather than judging or fearing them:?”  What would it be like for you?
2. On page 13, Meg asserts, “We do not have to create, fill in the gaps, motivate, or train for these qualities. [generosity, creativity, and kindness]. Humans innately possess these qualities by virtue of being human.”  Do you believe this?
3. On page 15, Meg writes: “We are not seeking sanctuary; we are seeking contribution.” What is your reaction?
4. On page 21, it describes SANE LEADERSHIP ( and perhaps Servant Leadership) as “the unshakable confidence that people can be generous, creative, and kind. The leader’s role is to create the conditions for these qualities to be evoked and utilized to accomplish good work.”

Civility: Using Dialog and Discussion to Work Through and Overcome Destructive Bias and Stereotyping

Join the Servant Leadership Community of Practice on Friday, 11/15. Listen to former High School Administrator Dave Bray’s topic, “Civility: Using Dialog and Discussion to Work Through and Overcome Destructive Bias and Stereotyping.” We’ll also have time for questions and group discussion.

Dave’s presentation summary:

• How do we stand in one another’s perspective to build healthy and inclusive communities?
• At a time when we are pulled in so many directions, how can we find that safe space that helps us to feel like we can take on anything?
• Are we the right people to be in these times, or should we “take a pass”?

The journey in our meeting is about helping to create the future, NOT fixing the past. In addition, we will learn about a skill set that can help us to have PRODUCTIVE conversations during those times when our patience is wearing thin, and frustration and anger drive us to our limits.

Please join us as we explore the need to create communities that nurture, thereby helping those involved to feel a sense of belonging. Given this time in history, we hope that this session will support us in developing a future where we can thrive together!

Other resources discussed:

Learning to Listen, Learning to Teach: The Power of Dialogue in Educating Adults, Revised Edition by Jane Vella
https://www.wiley.com/en-us/Learning+to+Listen%2C+Learning+to+Teach%3A+The+Power+of+Dialogue+in+Educating+Adults%2C+Revised+Edition-p-9780787966072

UW-Madison Diversity Forum Keynote
https://diversityforum.wisc.edu/session/your-brain-is-good-at-inclusion-except-when-its-not/

Dialog model used in “Deliberation Dinners: An Innovative Model for Dialogue Across Differences” from Diversity Forum on Wednesday https://diversityforum.wisc.edu/session/deliberation-dinners/.

Also, “Fostering Psychological Safety to Enhance Belonging and Community” on Thursday https://diversityforum.wisc.edu/session/fostering-psychological-safety-to-enhance-belonging-and-community/ outlined 10 strategies for restoring safety in meetings. I highly recommend watching both videos.

Definitions of Discussion and Dialogue:

In his groundbreaking book, The Fifth Discipline, Peter Senge makes a powerful distinction between dialogue and discussion: In a discussion, opposing views are presented and defended and the team searches for the best view to help make a team decision.  In a discussion, people want their own views to be accepted by the group.  The emphasis is on winning rather than on learning.
In dialogue, people freely and creatively explore issues, listen deeply to each other and suspend their own views in search of the truth.  People in dialogue have access to a larger pool of knowledge than any one person enjoys. The primary purpose is to enlarge ideas, not to diminish them.  It’s not about winning acceptance of a viewpoint, but exploring every option and agreeing to do what is right.
From https://extraordinaryteam.com/dialogue_discussion/

In September, we discussed one of Robert Greenleaf’s principles of Servant Leadership, Building Community. This month, we continued this topic from a different perspective and asked participants to bring some stories about community building they’ve witnessed or initiated. We were also interested in observations on how the quality of our communities has changed post-COVID and what we need to do to nurture these relationships.